The Beginning

Welcome to my blog. Well here's my first post. I'll give you some background.

I've been a chronic pain sufferer for years. It didn't get really bad though until 2002. Before that I was plagued with migraine headaches. My local doc, a kindly fellow, had no problem prescribing me what I needed for pain and vomiting. I can't take triptans as I have a family history that makes that impossible. He was more than willing to give me norco which is hydrocodone, an addictive drug for some. The thing is for years I had no problem with the medication. And it was a medication. I only took it when I had migraines. It worked. It worked really well. My migraines were fierce and boy did I suffer with them. I was responsible. I could make a bottle of 50 last a year. Then the migraines started getting bad. My use increased and still he wrote those scripts for me. Still, I was very responsible.

Fast forward to 2002 when it seemed like my body was breaking down. I had severe pain in my knees. It was the kind of pain that would make my knees give out while walking up or down stairs. Tests showed that I had some serious arthritis going on. I saw a orthopod who confirmed I had bone on bone arthritis, broken bone behind my knee caps as well. He said I needed surgery. I protested and still do. I am afraid of surgery. But could it wait? Yes. What about the pain? Take advil. What???? Sorry we don't want you to become addicted to opiates. Besides...the DEA is cracking down on what we prescribe our patients for pain. i can't lose my license. So where does that leave me? Have the surgery or suffer. So the DEA is dictating to me what I can and can't take for pain?

Depression set in. But wait. I can take the hydro I have for my migraines if i am really careful and my doctor doesn't know it. So on the really bad days I took the norco for my knees. That worked okay. My doctor still wrote for increasing amounts of the meds, but I wasn't taking all that much anyway.

Over the years my poor body started to ache even worse and I knew there was no way I could continue to live in agony every day with minimal meds to combat the pain. Surprisingly, I was listening to Bill O'Reilly one evening back in the early 2000s. He mentioned that people could actually purchase highly addictive substances online. What?? I have never heard of this! Jackpot! I could get relief online? It took me all of 10 minutes to find drugbuyers.com. What a plethora of information and links. All I needed was my med records, a credit card and a phone. I could get more hydro. I picked a service, filled out the forms, and made the appointment for the phone consultation with a doctor. I was scared to death. Would this doctor just give me norco? Well yes, he did. I had a bottle of 90 tabs the next day via FedEx. I also had a refill on the bottle and was told to call in 25 days to get it shipped. This was a miracle to me. For the first time in years I felt armed to deal with my pain.

Now let me break in here for a moment to explain something. If you listen to the DEA and the media, you will believe that all you have to do, til this day even, is to fill out a form, enter a credit card number, and a bottle of oxycontin will be shipped to your door. This is a LIE. You can't order oxycontin on any website. You have to have valid medical records. You have to speak to a real doctor. The DEA would have you believe any child can get their folks' credit card and get adddictive meds. It's a fabrication and simply propaganda.

Back to my story. I stayed with my first online consult service for over a year. It was a now defunct service named yourfriendlydoc.com The PA was super compassionate. I had very real valid medical records. I took my meds responsibly. This was legal. I checked. In fact, it still is technically legal. The DEA however would have you believe it isn't. The fact is right now there are no federal laws regarding telemedicine. I still believe in telemedicine, even though the DEA is on a rampage to shut the services down. The fact of the matter is while there are milions of Americans addicted to drugs there is a very small amount of chronic pain patients who ever get addicted to their meds. Unfortunately I was one of them, but that doesn't mean that telemedicine is bad. It just needs to be stricty regulated. More on this issue at a later date.

So when did the meds become a problem? When I realized other services out there would script 120 tabs with three refills? Possibly. When I realized there was little chance of getting nailed for using more than one service? Something kicked in. I don't know what turned the key to be honest. Maybe it was the extreme pain in my cervical spine and the fact that the norco wasn't really touching my pain.

I tried to do it the right way when my neck started to really bother me. I went back to my local doc. I told him how badly I hurt. I was begging for him to put me on something that worked, something he could monitor closely. I would have loved to stop using the online services. It was too expensive. I was not comfortable getting meds via FedEx. He was little help. He ran the tests. I got numerous possible diagnosis. I was given more norco. I told him it wasn't working anymore. I got a shrug. So I ended up seeing a chronic pain doctor who saw the MRIs and xrays and told me point blank I should probably be on oxycontin, heavily monitored of course. I just had to do one thing for him. He wanted me to see a sleep specialist and then come back with my spouse for a discussion on the meds and regualations of his office. I was fine with this....until I went back to see my doc. He was livid and called me an addict because this doc had called him to discuss my appointment. I was so upset that I never went back to the pain doc. I cried in his office and told him I wasn't an addict. I hurt, dammit. Just help me. So what did he do? he wrote me out another script for norco and told me not to take it every day.

So what do you do when you have serious pain, your doctor says he doesn't understand why I have all this pain as the tests do not look all that bad. (broken bones, stenosis and bone on bone arthritis are not supposed to be that painful?). I was left with basically nothing in my opinion. I went back to using the services and this time I got a script for Xanax to help me sleep through my pain.

So it starts. Being discounted as nothing more than a junkie made it so I didn't really care anymore. I took the meds like candy. I was hooked not only on norco but on xanax as well.

Well that will do it for my first post. I'll continue my journey with you with my next post. All comments are welcome. Well not all comments...I don't like spam. I don't care for sarcasm. I detest judgemental people. So be careful where you tread.

Check out my polls. Please vote as this is a serious issue, that of addiction and recovery. And yes. Right now I know I am an addict, will always be an addict and have gotten help. There's so much more to tell you but I'll leave that for another night.

Good night.

Subgirl